On My Own

I love him, but only on my own.

I'm up in the air and the stars are closer. So far away but under the same sky. It's amazing isn't it. The distance between you and someone could be immeasurable, and yet the feelings don't change. They're just as strong and sometimes absence can make the heart grow fonder. In my case this is a curse. I just don't want to feel anything right now. Every freaking love song I hear opens the wounds and makes them feel so fresh and painful. Maybe I should stop dreaming of how it would have ended if it was a movie or some fairytale. No, not maybe, I should. It's just that I read about all these relationships that are difficult, but completely perfect, and I imagine him and me having the same thing. That spark when he puts his arm around your shoulder, everything. Every freaking thing. I hate it. But that feeling inside, when he looks in her eyes so deeply. I just want to be her. But things don't work out perfectly as I've learned. I have to move on and just forget it.
Xoxo
Jenee

Resolved for the Year

Resolved.

A few weeks ago was the end to a long hard year. It will never be forgotten because of the painful imprint it has placed in my life. However, this doesn't mean that my entire life will be the same, but just the opposite. It means I can move on and live in the present. While I was contemplating the past year, lyrics ran through my mind. They go: "it's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse." The actions of those words have been my desire for the past year. For months I have thought I accomplished this, but really I hadn't. I fell for a boy, and that has been one of my biggest mistakes thus far. It has scarred me beyond compare, and in some ways, I'm still bleeding. But I've lived in the past. I've said the words "what if" over and over inside my head. This is a new year. No more looking into the past and reopening the wounds. I am moving on for the better. I am building relationships that glorify God. I am putting away the temptations of the world and this year, 2013, is for Jesus Christ my Savior and King. I am going to work my hardest for my King in everything, my fitness and school because if its not for Him, then it is all a waste. May I remember these words and be reminded of them for the year to come.
XOXO,
Jenee